My first full day after being discharged from the hospital;
thank god. No more hourly vitals from the nurse, no more infuriating whines
from the baby next door, no more bland hospital meals and most importantly, no
more isolation. I`m home. However, as comfortable as I am back in my own
bedroom, I have no choice but to accept that nothing is the same as before. The
physical toll that my body is undergoing at the moment is too painful to ignore,
even amongst all the excitement of homecoming. I`m beginning to understand,
realistically, just how tough this journey is about to get.
It`s hard to explain what it`s like being induced on
chemotherapy drugs, but my overall impression is a lack of stimulant and
motivation to do anything. My moods are completely unpredictable and will
continue on like that as long as these drug combinations keep changing.
I can only best describe it as consistently inconsistent. I seem to be exuding all the symptoms of
a pregnant maniac while also encompassing the overall concentration and motivation
of a 6-year old. Quite the unexpected blend of commotion.
What were once simple, daily tasks have suddenly become exasperating
obstacles that require much more energy than normal: getting out of bed, making
breakfast, walking up stairs. It`s pathetic and discouraging; but sometimes, I
guess we have no choice but to endure and persist. These are our battles no
matter how small yet unbearable and we fight regardless of limitation; despite
the weakness of our own challenger.
And as pregnant mothers learn to endure the difficulties
within their trimesters, I`m learning to bear these unpredictable affects as
they come. Like an inattentive 6-year old, I`m forced to take on each small
project with tolerance and patience; accepting of the energy now required to
reach completion.
We are all fighters; and whether through chemotherapy,
pregnancy, or that age of reckless adolescence, we get through our battles one month,
one phase and one project at a time.
Finally home and continuing to breed optimism,
- - Serena Bonneville :)
Sounds like it is emotionally and physically tough for you :(
ReplyDeleteBut you ARE a fighter and we all believe in you!
Stay strong love! <3