Progression is a loaded word; from birth to death, we’re barraged
with a series of endeavours that Life throws at us, and our progression through
each one delineates our path. As we progress and transition through each occasion
in life, we tell ourselves that the past is in the past and that’s where it
should stay. Moving on from the breaking of a relationship, evolving and
growing as we develop new connections. Affairs come and go and as we adapt to
new experiences, we just as quickly accept the dissolution of the ones prior.
This was always my outlook on things, especially
transitioning from phase to phase of chemo treatment; putting the pain and
discomfort behind me as I got prepared for whatever was set to come next. Similarly,
moving to Victoria, resuming my studies, and adapting to a new experience, I
convinced myself to loosen the once tight grip I held on memories of my past.
But as I progress through this new, assumed chapter, I catch myself being
reminded; being momentarily transported back to times that I’ve tried so hard
to move away from. In one way or another, we’re all taken back to our past experiences,
temporarily transported to a static moment in time. But for me, I’m taking back
to a moment that sickens me, and where the knowing of progression that used to
be so comforting, is non-existence.
Monthly ferry rides home for treatment, binge eating and
face puffiness from steroids, make it difficult to maintain ignorance of my
past. I’m reminded that one can’t ever really move on from something as
consuming as cancer, regardless of where they stand in or after treatment.
I’m beginning to realize that my diagnosis is something that
is not just a part of my life, but just simply, a part of me. As I accept this,
I can better find ways to try and turn these reminders of the past into
positive things.
Even though it is so easy to adapt to this new, University
Life, which seems so distant from my life as a cancer patient, I have to
remember that that time in my life has shaped who I am now, and continues to do
so. Those experiences (which I’ll strive to look at from a positive
perspective) will always be present through my redefined attempts at
progression.
ON A HAPPIER NOTE, loving this new chapter of my life, regardless
of the occasional blast from the past. I plan to find ways to weave my
diagnosis into my new life in Victoria, maybe infiltrate this new community
with some fresh positivity, and as always, breed some optimism.
- Serena Bonneville
