tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88288613586439382212024-03-13T02:23:54.965-07:00Change of PerspectiveSerena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-17585081852508742052016-02-07T09:24:00.000-08:002017-09-22T23:14:41.483-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Post-chemotherapy Day 1</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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‘Healthy’ as it were. After two and a half years of drugs, I
have finally reached a finishline. Not many words can sum up how I feel at this
exact moment – mostly due to the fact that I have still yet to process everything.
Although, I don’t think that I have emotionally processed <i>anything</i> during the past two and a half years of my life.. so I
guess it makes sense that I lack a sense of closure for the time being. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Post VAD Day 1</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Finishing cancer treatment on January 29<sup>th</sup>
(post-chemo day 1) was as anti-climactic as anticipated. I washed down my last
chemo-cocktail pills with a celebratory glass of wine, then went out for pasta
with the family. It was a happy day no doubt, but the degree of relief did not
quite bear up to the 2.5 years of pain and anxiety that preceded it. The pill box was empty, the
congratulatory support was overwhelming and the pasta was delicious. Although, this long-awaited finish date was nothing but that: a day with such
connotative significance, built-up over 2.5 years, that when it
actually arrived, I don’t think I had the stamina to fully digest it - but the pasta went down fine. How does one
process ‘no longer having cancer'? It's a pill not easily swallowed - mind you slightly easier than swallowing the 'having cancer' pill.<br />
It had come out of nowhere, sucked up my life, took what it wanted, left what it didn't, pulled at my hair (literally), tossed me around, and spit me back out with no sense of remorse. And just like that.. I take my last chemo pill, which was much easier to swallow than the idea itself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Well, it wasn’t until yesterday – hopefully my last ‘long’
hospital day – that I came home having processed, acknowledged, and accepted
all that had just happened. The forthcoming realization left me with no reaction except “did that
just happen?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite having taken my last chemo drug a week prior, I was
called in to the hospital last minute to get my VAD removed. VAD remember? The
foreign object inside my ribcage, which has slackly imparted me the title,
ex-machina:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="background: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i>“… all thanks to my wonderful,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>‘bionic-woman-like’</b><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>VAD. It’s all quite exciting!!! .. If
you’re one to get excited about biomedical ventricular engineered ports. But it
really is amazing. When I was first diagnosed, they surgically placed an access
port under my breast that’s directly connected to a small tube they ran
underneath my skin. It goes up all the way through near my neckline where it
can access and pump blood to the rest of my body. Aside from a small poke to
access the line, treatments and blood tests have been completely painless; so
to speak. “</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville, Induction phase chemotherapy
treatment, October 28<sup>th</sup> 2013<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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There was something about going back to the OR and removing
a piece of plastic from my body that just got me right riled up. Maybe it was
that I had grown emotionally attached to this toonie-sized lump, or that it had
always been my body’s main facilitator for my IV chemo-cocktails – a part of me
which had served with the only purpose of accepting and dispersing liquid cancer-killers into my body. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Or maybe it was the IV fentanyl, the T-3’s or the lingering
anesthesia; all I know is that waking up post-surgery with the absence of a
lump under my boob struck a chord of emotional closure for the first time since
finishing treatment.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My body is back to normal? The stomach churning
chemo-cocktails flushed from my bloodstream and the foreign object that
transported them, gone. No physical trace of the cancer fighters that once
were. Although realistically, it is going to take my body time to recover from
the surgery, some time to fully detox, and god knows how much time
until I actually start feeling like myself again. Deteriorating under chemo’s
tyranny for so long has left me with little knowledge as to what my ‘normal’ is
or was. So like I said on my first day of chemo, (although this time with more
confidence, joy and optimism) I’ll be taking it day by day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Expressing too much happiness to really put into words,
knowing that things can only really go up from here – except for pasta, that commemorative
dish set a new bar for food, which has left all my meals since seeming
inadequate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Not sure what happens next, but I will continue to share and
document my post-chemo adventures. Thankful for all of the support, from you, my
friends, and most importantly, my family.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Breeding optimism a little easier than before,<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> - </span></span>Serena Bonneville<o:p></o:p></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-36534698027730566112016-01-03T17:23:00.003-08:002016-01-04T00:19:16.828-08:00Chapters and Books; Scenes and Films<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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This New Year holds significance to many, for reasons which
I am sure vary far past trivial conventions. I would consider myself one of
many. As I inch closer to my last treatment on January 29<sup>th</sup>, a date that
still seems fanciful, I am reminded of another date: June 22<sup>nd</sup>, 2014
otherwise known as “my graduation.” The day that we have all, as a community, agreed to mark the
end of <i>Said chapter </i>in our life<i> </i>and the beginning
of <i>said new chapter. </i>I cant help but to critique such an odd belief
that we all attach to this custom of graduation– it is much like that of the New Year: <i>New beginnings, new resolutions, new chapter.
</i>And much like how graduation, for me, felt like a bridge that was never
crossed, so did the new years and “new chapters” that trailed on behind it. But
man that’s much too dark for my liking – just because I haven’t had the luxury
of fresh starts and new beginnings lately, does not mean I have missed out. Like
I say, this New Year is anticipated (with high hopes) to mark the first “fresh
start” I have had in quite a while. Much like in <i>pretty Woman </i>or <i>My Fair Lady</i>,
I’m hoping for the future turn of events to play out rather pleasantly.
Although I may not share many situational commonalities with Julia Roberts or
Hepburn, I like to think that my fresh start will have some comparable “glamour-like”
qualities to it – although they will be less physically visible from those
ladies, given that my looks and wardrobe will probably remain as is.<br />
<br /></div>
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But
everyone has their “difficulties”/“rough patches”/"curve balls" – their own reasons and longing for
a fresh start. Whether it comes in the form as trivial as a graduation or NYE, or as
customized as treatment finish dates, the point is that these new beginnings
really cannot come a second sooner.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Chapters in our lives will start and end at their own leisure
and not by our own hands – one of those darned happenings in life that can’t seem to stick to a conventional rhythm. 2.5 years and I’d say it’s about time for my
chapter to come to a close. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Looking forward to a new year, as I am sure we all are <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> As I compare the
current chapter of my life to that of an early 1900s Flower Girl and a troubled
prostitute, I will as always, continue to breed optimism<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">-</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Serena Bonneville </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-52577289323792907462015-11-10T12:39:00.003-08:002015-11-10T12:39:41.490-08:00Bambi legs and Neverland<div class="MsoNormal">
After more than two years of tolerating the cancer-killing drugs,
I can only blame Murphy’s Law for the complications that I’m having now with
merely 3 months to go. Yes, despite my complaining about the ghastly side effects,
my body thus far has had no real unexpected issues with chemotherapy – until now.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But of course, it’s nothing I can’t handle and something that
I probably incited with my own ignorance. One of my maintenance chemo drugs,
prednisone (the one that I can thank for giving me moon face, weight gain,
ridiculous-pregnant-like cravings and a bottomless stomach) also has warning
for side effects of weakening the joints. Woopdy-frigen-doo, I have mutating
killer cells threatening to take over my body and here I am supposed to be
worried about a little achiness in my knees? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtOWsPzH8o52a9Q-ZSHD82fwPszH8pUBR-beRYVmIKjG4W9LvLbyh8T927cZBkNtLjCkWa11kyTcHijBBzuqNVzLfefNh19x2OlxB8TOhiRNQ1WBaCqvsNF8hOJuSZfwL5Z-EDj1tzU_Xr/s1600/poppycock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtOWsPzH8o52a9Q-ZSHD82fwPszH8pUBR-beRYVmIKjG4W9LvLbyh8T927cZBkNtLjCkWa11kyTcHijBBzuqNVzLfefNh19x2OlxB8TOhiRNQ1WBaCqvsNF8hOJuSZfwL5Z-EDj1tzU_Xr/s1600/poppycock.jpg" /></a></div>
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“POPPYCOCK!”
– I respond to this dust-bunny of a side effect like Mr. Darling does to stories
of Neverland. So much so that when I began to take notice of “my weak knees” it
was such a pitiful issue that I may have put off mentioning it to anybody.. for
a little longer than I should have … Being in maintenance and only having monthly
hospital chemo visits – with very tolerable after-effects of nausea and fatigue
– I was really starting to feel a bit like myself again. I guess somewhere
along the way I started to overestimate the physical state of my body: Taking
on regular day-to-day activities, full course load at school, exercising every
day; It was easy to overlook my (still) current state as a “chemo patient”
because the reality was practically in reach. But nonetheless, this ignorance
was most likely to blame now for the severe weakness of my joints and thus, I
take two steps back: reduced course load, no exercise prioritizing rest, and no
exercise. I say that twice because, as an athlete who seemed to be at least <i>inching</i> toward recovering the physical
state that I was once in, hearing that I have to cease all attempts at reviving
my athleticism has led to frustration. POPPYCOCK. ABSOLUTE POPPYCOCK.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Of course with three months to go (everyone knock on wood)
All I have to say is that once that finish line has been reached, this body
better make up for its years of dormancy. I have a build-up of athletic energy
you would not believe.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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So now I wait – more impatiently than ever before – sitting on
my butt and resting my useless bambi-like knees. I guess I should be grateful
that this has been the only major side effect that’s required unexpected
attention (Overworking my joints now could lead to severe long term damage:
knee replacements, etc.) I go in tonight for an MRI, assuring that no further
medical attention is needed. I’d tell myself not to worry, “you’ll break a leg!”
but some jokes are better left unsaid. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
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Hopeful that the MRI shows no permanent damage while trying
to put this POPPYCOCK of a side effect in perspective. </div>
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Apologies for the gap in
postings, but I promise that I am – as always – breeding optimism. <o:p></o:p></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-56446776403650303212015-09-03T13:21:00.001-07:002015-09-05T16:14:06.829-07:00Forza Italia<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Feeling like a true Italian at heart lately.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Steroids (<u>Predisone</u> to be exact) have been
a focal chemo drug during this extensive maintenance phase. I’ve been
taking the high dose medicine each month for five consecutive days, but for
some reason, the effects never seem to wear off. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">But as I’ve mentioned in the past, this powerful-food loving drug
has just as many pros as it does cons. The constant need to be satisfied by
each consumption of food is as strenuous as the demand for lengthened slumbers and
rest. In fact, since taking this drug not once have I gone to a restaurant
without first inspecting its menu. Not once have I left a morsel of food on my
plate after scarfing down my thoroughly calculated order. And as I once
expressed this love of food through my cravings of Triple O’s burgers’ and pickles
and cheese, I once again cannot stress how much P<u>rednisone</u> makes me love food.
It’s hazardous. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Even though I lack </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">gauge</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> of fullness, thanks to these steroids, and
have had to deal with crazy weight </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">inflation's</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, I find that it is all justified
when I take a bite of my meal, and am brought to a place of satisfying bliss. No
exaggeration, the consumption of my next meal is what gets me out of bed. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><b>“How do you ‘forget’ to eat? My entire day is planned around what
I am going to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, and in between.” –
The Diary of Nonna’s<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">With only 5 months left of treatment (knock on wood), I am wondering
how I’ll adapt to life without food obsession and cravings – or if I even want
to... All I know is that the most prominent side effect I’ve experienced over
the past several months of Maintenance has been hunger. Appetite. Incessant snacking.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Probably the most fortunate side effect I could ask for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Feeling like a true Italian with a bottomless stomach, mangiare mangiare,
keeping Nonna happy, breeding optimism,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Serena
Bonneville </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">J</span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-41536606337630247102015-08-09T17:25:00.003-07:002015-08-09T17:25:48.582-07:00Disarray and Plot Twists<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pray you never feel the abrupt rush of panic when looking back
on your life – as an eighteen year old - and already finding yourself asking what if?. That
feeling when your story line doesn’t fall parallel to that of <i>Boyhood </i>or your coming of age
experiences don’t meet up to the standards of John Hughes. I was always a long-term
planner who did whatever it took to mimic the happy life of a Molly Ringwald
character, and live out all my passions through into my golden years. I knew
what made me happy and If I found myself veering even slightly off my home-grown
plan, I’d simply stop what I’m doing and change it. </div>
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<img src="https://thisrecording.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/sixteencandles14.jpg" /></div>
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<br /></div>
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So looking back on an unaligned, inconsistent and scattered
storyline has left me with nothing but sheer fright. A horrific reminder that
no matter how adventurous or innovative your friends are, YOU WILL NEVER LIVE
OUT THE PLOTLINE OF THE GOONIES. Its a slap in the face. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I hadn’t realized how detrimental life’s curve ball of the past
2 years has really been on my story. How much it has shattered my allusion for
what I thought would be my future now. But regardless of the panic I feel as I
look back and wonder what if, I have in turn come to worry less about the
future and how to control it. Like how Robin Williams stands up on his desk in Dead
Poets Society to “look at things in a different way”, I can now look at tomorrow
- and the day after, and after – without fear of disorder and turmoil. Hell I
welcome lack of structure. </div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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Because the coming of age story lines that throw massive curve
balls, are always the best ones anyway.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Realizing why fiction movies are called "fiction," and as always, breeding optimism,</div>
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<br /></div>
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- Serena Bonneville :)</div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-38866706586044516562015-03-09T12:33:00.000-07:002015-03-09T12:33:33.920-07:00Girl, Interrupted<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This month in Film studies (words I find myself saying much
too frequently…) I learnt how director Alfred Hitchcock incorporates his iconic
<i>MacGuffin’s </i>into his films and how
they impose distinctive significance to storylines. For those of you who aren’t
familiar, a <i>MacGuffin<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“…is a plot device in
the form of some goal, desired object, or other motivator that the protagonist
pursues, often with little or no narrative explanation; a <b>MacGuffin</b> is typically unimportant to the overall plot.” – Wikipedia<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I like to think of a MacGuffin, therefore, as a mere
distraction: Something put forth by the director to distract the viewer from
the driving purpose of the film; something that offers no explanation or
reasoning; something that the film could still subsist without and that’s existence
only helps develop the given story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbCEweMYNPdwXm7_2LYssC_VfEU4xAtmOz3haiQwH5OqLQLM9p8YHlQx4sTx9tGBRnSG97gyf-YYhTYMb6O-BjsXbOpMPGwg98TG-KBZbO0macZMnTFFG3kXd2sQrJ0lWiaL1gkeFQTmpT/s1600/winonagirlint.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbCEweMYNPdwXm7_2LYssC_VfEU4xAtmOz3haiQwH5OqLQLM9p8YHlQx4sTx9tGBRnSG97gyf-YYhTYMb6O-BjsXbOpMPGwg98TG-KBZbO0macZMnTFFG3kXd2sQrJ0lWiaL1gkeFQTmpT/s1600/winonagirlint.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
As my first year at University comes to a close (only a
month left of school before exams) I can’t help but believe that these upcoming
months will be yet another step into the real world and my new life as an
adult. Although I am still in treatment, I feel the healthiest that I have since
being diagnosed and can better anticipate the experience of my “adult-life” that
lies ahead. However, I can’t help but wonder how heavily my diagnosis has influenced
this future – where I’d be now if it weren’t for this <i>MacGuffin</i> that some higher-power (for the lack of a better word)
decided to throw into the middle of my story. How much has it really affected
the overarching purpose? How dominant has this distraction become? As Alfred
Hitchcock purposely imposed his <i>MacGuffins</i>
without reasoning or explanation, I can only assume that my inexplicable cancer
mutant’s similarly exist as a mere development within my story. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I have lost as a result, and in some cases gained, are
forms of this device which will ultimately contribute to an overall end goal. <b>Cancer is my MacGuffin</b>. With my finish
date of January 2016, I hope that this wavering detour will finally come to a
close and that the story can move along as it once did – without interruption
or distraction.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
--> Side note, my weird obsession with food continues as per usual. Recently it's justified cause for a new social networking profile on
Instagram: @postcansir.eats</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those of you who have undergone chemotherapy can
sympathize with me and this inexplicable obsession. Since force-feeding myself chemo-chemicals
for over 2 years, my body seems to have built up an undeniable craving for
natural nutrients (My body’s words, not mine). In response and respect to these
instincts, I have decided to create this yummy foodie Instagram account. If
you would like to be reminded of how yummy food is or want to muster-up some
cooking inspiration, checkout my feeble attempt at documenting various food consumptions. Follow on <b>Instagram! </b>@postcansir.eats</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Breeding optimism
while I wait for this MacGuffin to bid adieu,</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">-</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Serena Bonneville</span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span>Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-25230437999941685092014-12-23T13:37:00.004-08:002014-12-23T13:45:09.730-08:00Run Lola Run<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Starting the 12-month countdown. As of <b>January 2015</b>, I’ll
have 12 more treatments left of what has seemed like an endless battle. While
things should be getting easier, as this final 12 month stage of chemo is less
intense, in a truthful simplification, it’s actually been quite the opposite. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--> 1)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><u>The effects of the steroids</u> that I take once a
month (turning me into a raging, munchie-consuming maniac) accumulate with each
dose; meaning each time I ferry back to Vctoria after receiving treatment, the
effects of the steroids are more intensified and my meal purchases from Triple
O’s are consequently increased more in size – but as always, I view my food
cravings as positives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--> 2)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><u>The more normalized and routine my life becomes</u>,
the harder it is to accept that I am still in the midst of treatment. Each
month I come home for my dose of chemo-cocktail, a sense of unease reminds me
that “moving on” and “University Life” are mere distractions from a fight that
is still very real – void of reassurance. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In Film class we were asked to analyze <i>Lola Rent – </i>A film about a young girl named Lola who is given 20
minutes to save her boyfriend’s life; when she fails at doing so, she’s able to
turn back the clock and try again. <b>The film speaks a larger message – that of
time and its limitations</b>. Lola corrects her mistakes with each re-attempt until
she’s able to complete her mission, reflecting on how each minor decision we
make in life can greatly affect the overall outcome. It’s tough to reflect on a
life that you want nothing more than to forget about – to analyse events you
wish you could simply erase from your memory. But without looking back and
learning from our past, how else are we supposed to grow? I’ve realized that
<b>reflection</b> is necessary for <b>acceptance</b>, and in turn, <b>optimism</b> - especially when
I’ve got another tough year ahead. And like Lola, I’m hoping that with each
month of treatment, I can better learn from the one before. While I don’t have
the supernatural ability to turn back time, I’ve got 12-months to learn how to
better accept the hardships that come before reaching the finish-line and ways
to make this home stretch a little easier.</div>
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</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIyotbV6VQJrEdWSexGVX151hp02dwEjxuSFgaBQiflJnDDct7h9KREXXvZO6Cdb1NPt63hqXKP50r6GvWlON9biQesT13l2uy5wpO008-Vb81Jqj1rnpSde-v1HXMhvg4H8Q4nQ0s4xwU/s1600/still-of-moritz-bleibtreu-and-franka-potente-in-lola-rennt-(1998)%2B(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIyotbV6VQJrEdWSexGVX151hp02dwEjxuSFgaBQiflJnDDct7h9KREXXvZO6Cdb1NPt63hqXKP50r6GvWlON9biQesT13l2uy5wpO008-Vb81Jqj1rnpSde-v1HXMhvg4H8Q4nQ0s4xwU/s1600/still-of-moritz-bleibtreu-and-franka-potente-in-lola-rennt-(1998)%2B(1).jpg" height="216" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<br />
<i>Lola Rent (Run Lola Run)</i> is a stellar German film that I recommend everyone
watch – especially if you’re so inclined to consider new philosophies in life …
it ignites some profound thought.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some positive thoughts, how I plan on staying optimistic
during the upcoming year:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--> 1)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><u>Surrounding myself with awesome people</u> – very
easy to do in university. Shout-out to Bryan Froh, one of the best guys out
there, who although I haven’t seen in months, still manages to consistently make
me smile.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><a href="file:///C:/Users/Sbonnevi/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> 2)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><u>Surround myself with awesome food</u> – this is a universal
tactic, effective even if you’re not on 60mg of prednisone. People underestimate
the power of good food: the most convenient source of satisfied happiness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--> 3)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--> <u>Surround
myself with movies</u> – for obvious reasons.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Time is a limitation so when life is hard or days are
unhappy, there should be nothing more important than pursuing positivity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With a 12 month countdown to a clean bill of health (knock
on wood), I’ll be doing my best to forget that the effects of these treatments
will accumulate and I’ll remind myself of little things that will keep me going
like <b>a.</b> it’s Christmas in 2 days <b>b.</b> it’s my birthday in 2 days and <b>c.</b> I’ll be feasting
on a non-campus, home-cooked family dinner in 2 days. I’ve come too far to lose
optimism now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Forcing myself to reflect in order to look on the bright
side, learning from Lola, and as always, breeding optimism,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville :)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-19505906117403503732014-10-03T10:55:00.000-07:002014-10-05T21:45:12.894-07:00Life at a distance, but all the same<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Progression</b> is a loaded word; from birth to death, we’re barraged
with a series of endeavours that Life throws at us, and our progression through
each one delineates our path. As we progress and transition through each occasion
in life, we tell ourselves that the past is in the past and that’s where it
should stay. Moving on from the breaking of a relationship, evolving and
growing as we develop new connections. Affairs come and go and as we adapt to
new experiences, we just as quickly accept the dissolution of the ones prior. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was always my outlook on things, especially
transitioning from phase to phase of chemo treatment; putting the pain and
discomfort behind me as I got prepared for whatever was set to come next. Similarly,
moving to Victoria, resuming my studies, and adapting to a new experience, I
convinced myself to loosen the once tight grip I held on memories of my past.
But as I progress through this new, assumed chapter, I catch myself being
reminded; being momentarily transported back to times that I’ve tried so hard
to move away from. In one way or another, we’re all taken back to our past experiences,
temporarily transported to a static moment in time. But for me, I’m taking back
to a moment that sickens me, and where the knowing of <b>progression</b> that used to
be so comforting, is non-existence. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Monthly ferry rides home for treatment, binge eating and
face puffiness from steroids, make it difficult to maintain ignorance of my
past. I’m reminded that one can’t ever really move on from something as
consuming as cancer, regardless of where they stand in or after treatment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m beginning to realize that my diagnosis is something that
is not just a part of my life, but just simply, a part of me. As I accept this,
I can better find ways to try and turn these reminders of the past into
positive things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even though it is so easy to adapt to this new, University
Life, which seems so distant from my life as a cancer patient, I have to
remember that that time in my life has shaped who I am now, and continues to do
so. Those experiences (which I’ll strive to look at from a positive
perspective) will always be present through my redefined attempts at
<b>progression. </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
ON A HAPPIER NOTE, loving this new chapter of my life, regardless
of the occasional blast from the past. I plan to find ways to weave my
diagnosis into my new life in Victoria, maybe infiltrate this new community
with some fresh positivity, and as always, breed some optimism. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
- Serena Bonneville</div>
<br />Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-18956546179107321272014-07-30T12:51:00.001-07:002014-07-30T12:51:40.593-07:00Mind and BodyNever have I been able to feel the progression of my own strength; but after losing, what feels like, every muscle in my body, working out has become much more rewarding. With the combination of being on maintenance and having an abundance of free time, I've been able to establish a full workout schedule; I feel like Million Dollar Baby (minus an incentivising<b> Clint Eastwood</b> figure) <br />
<br />
<img height="120" src="http://www.oscars.org/awards/academyawards/legacy/images/info/77/2005_iconic_picture_director_actress.jpg" width="320" /><br />
<br />
As I spend my summer days 'training,' I can feel this desolate body creeping closer to revival; undergoing major reconstruction. I'm having to remind myself that while feeling better, I am still undergoing treatment. (As intensiveness as it is) Either way, whipping this body into shape will be a lengthy commitment seeings how my muscles have become accustomed to minimal movement this past year; accustomed to a temporary existence based solely for biological fighting purposes; as if like a test subject that if dare to fail, would shut down completely.<br />
<br />
But while my body is jumping back to normal, my mind has also begun to settle back into routine; recognizing more trivial obstacles in life like the transition to university and future decision-making. Most days I forget about my diagnosis all together, but my monthly hospital visits remind me that I still have a year and a half left to go.<br />
<br />
Feeling stronger every day and continuing to breed optimism, despite the lack of Clint Eastwood's motivation,<br />
<br />
- Serena Bonneville :)<br />
<br />
<br />
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-24866287446426090572014-06-24T13:39:00.006-07:002014-06-25T10:26:48.666-07:00Continuing down my path <div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Cancer was somewhat responsible for having ruined
my experience of a </span><b style="text-indent: -18pt;">‘traditional grad year.’</b><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> They always say that the ending of
this year is like the ending of a chapter in your life, and graduation is the
start of a new one... I’m not the philosophical type but here’s an example,
said by someone else who clearly is: </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b>“close the door to the past, Open the door
to future, step on through and start your new chapter in your life.”</b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Well, this analogy isn’t so true with me. I
suppose it’s because my chapter ended a little earlier than everyone else’s.
Forced to accept a matured perspective on life – apologies for using that
phrase so often- But from the moment I was diagnosed, my life has been
revolving around my health and that final finish date: January 29th, 2016. After my
diagnosis, I made a promise with myself to never look back. Never imagine what
could have been or what might have been during my <b>‘grad year.’</b> I was put on a
new path and my only choice was to follow it through till’ the end. So
yesterday at graduation, while everyone was celebrating closing one chapter and
starting another, my personal focus was much different. I was celebrating how
far down I’ve come on this diverged path. While
everyone celebrated their accomplishment of graduating, I was celebrating the
current success of my treatment. Graduating was but a mere bunny hill on this
new path, a path that started way back in October. </div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]--> I couldn’t
have been happier to celebrate with my grad class and my amazing teachers this
weekend, as it was the most fun that I had had in a long time. Although it was
clear, as we all tossed our hats in the air, that my reasons for celebrating stemmed
far astray from everyone else’s, much like the path in which I continue to trek
down. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am now a proud Southridge graduate. As I got
ready for the formal grad dinner dance on Sunday, I decided to also be a proud
Cancer fighter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<b>No matter what you decide to do in life, always follow through
on your actions with confidence."</b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not sure where this quote came from ...
but I do know that it had a presence in my mind while I decided how to do my
hair for grad. (Or how to not do my hair.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj06DWK-8lnjDHAuDojtUOStvN-xsX9lhAiTlHdnaKmM4SXlVwW4AFxA1Ly6_1Z_X6wLt08ygdk7uNd56gKLSrU2cGPGqueMrRduLQ0tSdKJjihQgUVkr-v2o9QXZr1coAIiee86JW9W6Qe/s1600/GRAD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj06DWK-8lnjDHAuDojtUOStvN-xsX9lhAiTlHdnaKmM4SXlVwW4AFxA1Ly6_1Z_X6wLt08ygdk7uNd56gKLSrU2cGPGqueMrRduLQ0tSdKJjihQgUVkr-v2o9QXZr1coAIiee86JW9W6Qe/s1600/GRAD.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have just started maintenance a couple weeks ago, a phase
in which so far is my absolute favorite (seeings how it is the last.) and as my hair
has started to grow back, I’m hardly on any drugs, the timing for grad couldn't
have been better. Although I still have
a year and a half left on this path, I continue to<u> breed optimism</u> knowing that
I have graduated with the utmost support of everyone within the Southridge
community. I can’t imagine what my ‘grad year’ would have been like at any
other school and I know that graduation wouldn’t have been possible without the
amazing teachers that I have had the pleasure of connecting with on such a
personal and emotional level. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In spite of everything I’ve been through, leaving Southridge
may be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But as always, I will continue to breed optimism,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -18pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> - </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Serena Bonneville (Southridge Alum) </span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-39975550414779989302014-05-25T12:04:00.000-07:002014-05-25T12:33:56.461-07:00Mid-Finish-Line<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/11071275/?claim=ntxkv75989f">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a><br />
<br />
As I creep closer to this seemingly illusive ‘Maintenance’
mark, I find myself growing more and more impatient. In my mind I’ve already
started to act like I’m in recovery so as to prepare myself. But no matter what
mental circumstance I put myself in, I am still days away from starting
maintenance. In fact, that ‘finish’ date may even move further away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finishing up this phase of ‘inter-maintenance’ has been
quite easy. Most drugs I’ve taken before and so my body recognises them and
almost has a higher tolerance to them. Funny; how nice it would be if our
bodies held this same reaction to the cancer cells. How much easier it would be
if the more cancer cells attacked you, the bigger tolerance your body could
build against them. How miraculous it’d be if after being attacked so many
times by cancer, your body could simply recognise the foreign organisms and eventually
resist their attacks. It’d be just as common as building our tolerance to
alcohol. “Man, she can really hold her cancer eh?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stopping that train of thought before it runs too far ...
But I have been quite lucky this phase with no seriously bad symptoms. The only
problem I’ve had was catching a virus a couple days ago. It’s been pretty
brutal fighting it off (I just feel like I’ve come down with a very bad cold).
The biggest issue with this is that my ‘maintenance’ mark or ‘mid-finish line’
might have to be pushed back a bit, because I can’t start the next year and
half phase unless my body and counts are back to “<i>normal.” </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Either way, I am doing everything I can to push through this
virus and reach that beautiful ‘mid-finish line.’ I can almost hear it calling
my name. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding Optimism and impatiently waiting, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville :)</div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-55294846440269571892014-04-06T23:14:00.001-07:002014-04-06T23:14:01.368-07:00Good Old David Fincher<div class="MsoNormal">
You always have a prospect that by your grade 12 year, after
graduation, you’d have acquired a certain development of skills, established all
your passions and founded talents that would set the stage for your future
after high-school. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up till the beginning of this year, I was beyond satisfied
with this expectation. With plans to play varsity, beat the odds to study
business, independently set out to build new experiences, while maintaining
long lasting relationships along the way, everything I’d worked towards was
about to pay off... But things change.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s only after we’ve lost everything, that we’re free to
do anything.” – Tyler Durden</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I certainly haven’t lost <i>everything</i>...
but at this age, lifestyle changes are harder to accept, even if the losses are
minimal. And although I can’t <i>entirely </i>familiarize
myself with Tyler Durden, I feel as if my series of physical, mental and
emotional losses have slowly amended my previous set plans for the future; I
certainly don’t feel free to do anything, but my losses have helped to create a
clean slate where I can develop new skills, re-establish passions, feel more
free to do anything knowing I don’t have much more to lose. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t plan on blowing up financial sky-scrapers like Mr.
Durden, but I do intend to accomplish more than I had planned, before I began
to lose what I had. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“God Damn! We just had a near-life experience, fellas.” –
Tyler Durden</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remembering the inspiration of Fight Club, Grinding through
my last <i>intenseive</i> phase before
maintenance, continuing to breed optimism,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-90266298690292965502014-03-16T12:34:00.000-07:002014-03-16T12:34:13.014-07:00The Fight<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday a fellow teen cancer patient at BC Children’s
Hospital passed away. Remembering that death is quite common, I struggled to
justify why this had hit me so hard. It wasn’t because she was diagnosed with a
cancerous disease like myself and had taken similar drugs, or that she had spent
her last days in the hospital where I was only a few floors below her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I met her for the first time a couple of weeks ago at a
teen-oncology-group meeting, although we didn’t talk much. I’d say she looked
sick at the time but then again, so did everyone. It wasn’t until today that I
realised how much we had in common. She was from Richmond, BC and was only a
year older than me. She had an older brother, off at university. The toughest
thing to see were photos of her in her soccer uniform, before she was
diagnosed; Photos with her teammates, her friends, holding medals and trophies.
I thought of myself and realised that our connection grew far past just our
common diagnosis, but our lives and similarities before all the obscurities was
what brought on emotion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regardless of how it ends, a life spent fighting cancer
really sucks; but it makes life spent before the fight all the more meaningful.
Every happy moment magnified, every grudge forgotten and the love,
unconditional. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding optimism for the ones who have lost the fight
against cancer or who have lost a loved one because of it,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">- Serena Bonneville :)</span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-40607094944653127212014-02-22T11:48:00.004-08:002014-02-22T11:48:53.577-08:003/4<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well things have gotten slightly better as I slowly grasp a
hold on this deadening nausea. I go back to the hospital on Wednesday to
receive the high concentrated drug for the third time. (3/4) One more visit to go for this phase... Even though it’s gotten
easier, I still cannot wait for this phase to be done with! I have started
limiting my meals to food specific to helping nausea and vomiting: lots of
fruits, smoothies, salads and crackers. I don’t have much of an appetite anyway
so when I do eat something, I make sure it’s nutritional. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, I find that most of my time is consumed by
University applications ... my god they’re lengthy. I am not sure if any of you
cancer patients out there have applied during their time of treatment, but I
find it quite the challenge to explain my situation. I mean, how do you elucidate
this kind of lifestyle change? I always fall short with these essays. All they
want to hear is that I am more than a number, a well-rounded, leading student.
So my feeble attempt to show them that usually ends with me posting the
hyperlink to my blog because at the end of the day, if they really want to know
what kind of student I am, they can read my last few posts and conclude that I
am simply an optimist. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding optimism,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> - </span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-29524888705798889262014-02-11T15:27:00.002-08:002014-02-11T15:27:45.391-08:00Tired of Being Sick and Sick of Being Tired <div class="MsoNormal">
Well I’ve been wanting, for quite some time now, to post
another update... but to be honest the days have been rough and the nights have
been long. In a nutshell, the past couple weeks have been spent battling
through uncontrollable nausea, persisting fatigue ... and a couple other not-so-fun
side effects that I’ll leave <i>unmentioned </i>(chemo
patients and survivors can understand.) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But rather than go deeper in detail of an evident low point
that I seemed to have hit .. I’d rather fill you in on some startling
positives. I received my completion date for my entire treatment! As of January
29<sup>th</sup>, 2016, I will have finished maintenance-also I will have turned
19-so looking forward to that date... I’ve also sent out applications to some
universities, having that hopeful ambition for post-secondary education. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am set to start maintenance by late May, early June so
looks like I’ll be feeling great just in time for grad!... and exams. In my
current phase, I’m scheduled for 4 – 5 day hospital admissions on IV drugs with
about two weeks off in between. With one under my belt, I’m set to go in for
admission again tomorrow. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those long days in the hospital, I recognise in my mind as hibernation:
one where I come out feeling renewed ... feeling better. But of course, as
expected, it’s the aftershock of this drug that has really hit me the hardest.
I haven’t been at school too much; the unexpected vomiting limits my daily
expenditures. And you could imagine how the ‘fatigue’ would put a strain on
my social activities – If you were one
to brand me as ‘Lazy-who-stays-in-bed-all-day-watching-movies’ before, you
really don’t even want to see me now. But every time I spontaneously fall into
a light nap at 4 in the afternoon, I can always picture my life playing out
like a movie ... all my pain being miraculously sucked away like in the Green
Mile. But then I’d wake up, and realise that this fight against cancer isn’t
going to end with some mysterious miracle. It is going to end, hopefully by the
assessed date, through the process of taking in a combination of powerful
drugs. It’ll end by me battling each symptom; realising that daily nausea and
morning vomiting is just part of a phase; accepting that frequent blood tests
are necessary and migraines are expected. But when you’re sick, you fight
through it all, because you have to; because when you reach the end, it won’t
be a miracle, it will be a triumph.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3HOceTlfRffhD1bBEn7F_Vg6WNvj47QQvngTLFZ8Yq-NcKp-wMhNYeNSpj7-NI-hBtMfGJMGowa83uRN8i4os-SJvio7kma8n_Is65RSubbU33khhJU1V9OrgH0CSsGJXaN3RC7s5TgW/s1600/1801089_10203113039008227_1973102142_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3HOceTlfRffhD1bBEn7F_Vg6WNvj47QQvngTLFZ8Yq-NcKp-wMhNYeNSpj7-NI-hBtMfGJMGowa83uRN8i4os-SJvio7kma8n_Is65RSubbU33khhJU1V9OrgH0CSsGJXaN3RC7s5TgW/s1600/1801089_10203113039008227_1973102142_n.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although I wouldn't say no to a miracle visit from John Coffey
to cure me right up...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Looking forward to clearing this phase! Special shout-out to
Suzanne, one of my favorite nurse’s, for helping me manage, not just the
physical challenges of treatment, but the mental ones as well (also for scoring
me concert tickets to Imagine Dragons.) – Suzanne, you are the best and I’m
sure every other patient of yours would agree.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding optimism and watching movies as always,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
- Serena Bonneville :)</div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-68822497604576101752014-01-10T10:59:00.000-08:002014-01-10T10:59:07.789-08:00Blood as Red as Wine<div class="MsoNormal">
Every time I visit the hospital, whether it’s for a
transfusion or a <b>chemo-cocktail</b>, I usually get a blood test as well – blood
counts reveal a lot about how well my body is reacting to the treatment. They also
determine whether I need a transfusion or if I’m ready for the next stage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, last week my oncologist received some interesting news
from my blood counts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As it is the holidays, my family <u>loves</u> to celebrate
in the form of dinner parties. These can sometimes get a little crazy, like most
dinner parties do. Being of <u>Italian</u> descent, it’s quite normal with these
occasions for the kids to enjoy a glass or two of wine with the usual
over-satisfying meal. However, it is <i>not </i>quite
normal to be going for routine blood tests, like I did the next morning. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the first time my oncologist had discovered some odd
liver functions from my blood counts ... </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even after reassuring her that I <b><i>did not</i></b> in fact go on a
bender that week, my nurses and physicians in the oncology unit still continue
to make fun of me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God knows how fast gossip spreads at hospitals, it’s worse
than high schools. Of course, they’re just relieved that this was a result of
wine as opposed to some bodily medical reaction ... All in all, it’s going to
be a while before I indulge again at one of our crazy family dinner parties.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On a more serious note, I’ve been drug free for almost two
weeks now as I head into the next phase: (Interim-Maintenance). At this rate, I
am set to finish around mid-May yay!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s exciting to see
the finish line getting closer, but having to say goodbye to the staff at <b>Childrens</b> will be difficult. They
continue to build, not just professional, but personal connections with their
patients. Oddly enough, it’s what has made me feel so comfortable spending most
of my days there. Even after I’ve moved on, I do intend to maintain my
relationship with the staff and the hospital whether it’s through volunteer or
just friendly visits <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cZx7DeKyDTj5kiqmYDCmX6F0-1ArsjlaXC0t7PgblZPYI0cDRvgu_hOQr6lKqEsn39v3HxXEr4LDV2u58Xtfp-FUTvLDZ9UsXzHZBOImjSD4ytBRbpZVGptWgv7KA-mbEi0SDrdDalLh/s1600/bcchildrenshospitallogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3cZx7DeKyDTj5kiqmYDCmX6F0-1ArsjlaXC0t7PgblZPYI0cDRvgu_hOQr6lKqEsn39v3HxXEr4LDV2u58Xtfp-FUTvLDZ9UsXzHZBOImjSD4ytBRbpZVGptWgv7KA-mbEi0SDrdDalLh/s1600/bcchildrenshospitallogo.jpg" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hoping this liver function ordeal doesn’t sever any
relationships or tarnish my reputation at the hospital..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding optimism thanks to the amazing and personable staff
at Children’s </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> - </span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville</div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-47588177268589661812013-12-31T16:59:00.002-08:002013-12-31T17:19:25.301-08:00It's a Wonderful Life<div class="MsoNormal">
I am alive and well, contrary to my one month absence, I am in
fact safe at home after a busy couple of weeks on chemotherapy (stage: consolidation). I apologize for the lack of
communication but just as the mental affects of chemo began to wear off, the
<b>holidays</b> started. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
December proved to be a more eventful month <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> It started off with
migraines and sleep deprivation but that quickly faded off by the end of the
first week. The only major side effects were nausea and minor fatigue. Luckily,
Christmas was enough of a distraction for me and the excitement of its
normality was enough to get through this month with enthusiasm! (Candy canes
and shortbread helped too) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Never</i> have I gotten more into the Christmas spirit. When you’re
not loaded with stress and end of term exams, it’s amazing how worked up you
can get over the minor festivities. We had planned on spending the holidays on
vacation in Hawaii, for which we inevitably have postponed (I take full
responsibility)... so instead we spent Christmas (and my 17<sup>th</sup>
birthday) at home with the family. What’s Christmas without the slushy snow and
foggy mornings? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today’s the last day of 2013, but as I look back to appropriately
reminisce on the year, I can recognize nothing but events from the past 3 months..
Which are not fun to reminisce about. So instead I look ahead; never could I
have predicted the changes or the situation I’ve landed in, but I intend on
moving as far away from it as I can. New Years Resolution: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hopefully by next New Years Eve I’ll have
landed where I need to be, and can reflect back on the year with confidence and
fulfillment. I’ll be like James Stewart in the last scene of It’s a Wonderful
Life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding Optimism on New Years Eve! (promise to keep persistence
with my posts from now on)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><br /></span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-61564871756268178862013-12-08T14:52:00.004-08:002013-12-08T14:52:47.876-08:00Food for Thought<div class="MsoNormal">
Meals for today:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"> Half a pancake</span></li>
<li> Bowl of grapefruit</li>
</ul>
<!--[endif]--><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">-</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well I’ve transitioned from one extreme to another; my
appetite dropped drastically, just 1 week into the second phase. The nausea is consuming, influencing my every decision (including food intake). The other
major side affect that I've been coping with over the past couple of weeks has been the repeated migraines.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even though these phases are intense, their side affects
consuming, I can now look back and check<b> two months</b> off of my calendar. Whether
this gets harder or easier, I’ve learnt so far that the best way to take on the
challenges is to endure them day by day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I haven’t had any chemo drugs. In fact, I haven’t been to the
hospital for about a week and have been feeling quite normal; although I go in
again soon to finish off the last bit of this phase. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like I said, two months down, two weeks till the next phase,
five months (hopefully) till the end of treatment and 17 days until Christmas.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breeding optimism,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> - </span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville :) </div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-54815978989123946442013-11-20T18:16:00.001-08:002013-11-20T18:16:30.762-08:00Chemo-Cocktail for Consolidation<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 36.0pt;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioE83l688e5GV1ls4DsMLzB8qBvTQoskTAREvPAUBJFUQQ-fxpq7seqgOUbglCWMyLvKHNn4EkyVjX7KaDAupS71a6QmyjlUlBCVTvXXYHGgQXWz1SBKDTwfMcvuAVU1R985XkBL6MpR1y/s1600/1476863_10202477004187754_252099503_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioE83l688e5GV1ls4DsMLzB8qBvTQoskTAREvPAUBJFUQQ-fxpq7seqgOUbglCWMyLvKHNn4EkyVjX7KaDAupS71a6QmyjlUlBCVTvXXYHGgQXWz1SBKDTwfMcvuAVU1R985XkBL6MpR1y/s320/1476863_10202477004187754_252099503_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Hair affair ^ </div>
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Out of <b>Induction</b> (phase 1) and into <b>Consolidation</b>
(phase 2), my hair barely survived. Although the new drugs on consolidation will
result in more chemo-brain, as well as ‘hair loss’, it doesn’t <i>phase</i><b> </b>me...</div>
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Ha! But in all seriousness, I’ve got a tough month ahead of me
with this new phase. Consolidation officially started on Tuesday at Children’s
hospital when my body began its absorption of this month’s cancer-killers.
Although, 3 days in and I haven’t felt the anticipated affects of chemo-brain
yet (I say this while knocking on wood.) I plan on taking advantage of feeling
normal, as I have been all week; as in going to school and doing
non-cancer-patient like things. It feels fantastic.</div>
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I drove into the hospital this afternoon to get another
injection of cancer-killers through my VAD (This wouldn’t be one of the non-cancer-patient
like things). </div>
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It’s sardonic, really, how so often in my past I’ve gone to
the doctor: I’m sick, He gives me drugs, I <b>feel
better</b>. But now, I go to the doctor (oncologist): I’m sick, He gives me
drugs, and I am merely confined to the expectance of <b>feeling worse.</b> </div>
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My customary assumption, similar to most peoples, was that
you get medicine to feel better. For me, this now only remains true to the extent
of long term pain as I know that only until the end of my treatment will I feel
better, cured and back to normal. But it’s hard to think long term with
chemotherapy; I continually am taking it day by day. And within this short term
lifestyle, these words, ‘<i>medicine,’ ‘pills’
and ‘drugs,’</i> have grown to haunt me. What were formerly reassuring words that
would bring anticipation of wellness, I’ve now associated with illness, pain and
chemo-brain. </div>
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But being optimists, we look at the positive side of things.
This phase’s combination of drugs, <b>chemo
cocktail</b>, should typically only lower my neutrophils while my hemoglobin’s
stay fairly high. For those of you who are of non-sciencey-sort, this means
although I will be more prone to viruses, the affects of this month’s
chemo-cocktail will leave me with decent energy levels. Yay for more energy!</div>
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I would like to mention thanks to Sarah Massah, reporter
from Peace Arch News, for writing a humbling article about my story and
journey. Also to Kolby Solinsky for another inspiring article, written and posted
in the Surrey Leader. Thank you for all the support but more importantly,
thanks to all who’ve helped to spread awareness about this disease: <b>it’s all making a difference for future
fighters. <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Breeding optimism with shorter hair,</div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--> -<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
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Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-87477166121036317412013-11-13T18:52:00.000-08:002013-11-13T19:05:38.111-08:00Steroid Withdrawal<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
"Hey, hey, stay positive, pal.</div>
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Most people, they lose,they whine and quit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But you got to be there for
the turns.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Everybody's got good luck,
everybody's got bad luck.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Don't run when you lose. Don't
whine when it hurts."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Michael Douglas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps</div>
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Well, today is my fourth full day off that dreaded prednisone.
I went for a bone marrow test today to ensure that this was, in fact, my last
week of induction (Results will be in sometime next week). But for now, I’m
beyond thrilled to publicize that <b>I have
the week off of treatment. </b>As in no drugs, full body recovery before
beginning the next phase. <b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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But looking back, this past week has been a blur; a
steroid haze. The days and nights distorted, moments split into mere fragments
in my memory and any activities, I recall undertaking with minimal focus and
energy. Reflecting on the week, I struggle to highlight the events that occurred
in between the naps and the haze: a couple delicious dinner parties, reading half
a book, finishing a couple movies (I distinctively remember watching American
Beauty: a compellingly twisted film. I highly recommend watching it if you’re
on steroids/chemo though, because it’s humanly impossible to lose focus on
Kevin Spacey when he’s in the zone.) </div>
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The other film I distinctly remember watching was Wall
Street: Money Never Sleeps. Michael Douglas quotes in the movie with such poise,
<b>“Most people they lose, they whine and
quit.”</b> Although in the movie, it’s in complete irrelevant context to my
situation, as I processed his words through my chemo brain, I began to realize
that his lines were nothing <i>but</i>
applicable. Because even though the past week has become a consuming blob of steroid
haze, I realized, yes while watching Michael Douglas’s speech from Wall Street,
that I can’t sit around and feel sorry for myself. <b>"Everybody's got good luck, everybody's got bad luck. Don't run when you lose. Don't whine when it hurts." </b><br />
I can’t become homestead,
curl up in a ball and linger on the sideline while my body fights this battle. Whatever
physical struggle I have to fight through, I will be mentally fighting harder just
so that I remain in control. So this is why I went for a hair cut this weekend
... not in spite of the steroid haze but so that I can mentally remain in
control. </div>
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I didn’t get a buzz cut, I decided it wasn’t necessary. I
didn’t have the guts to do a Miley Cyrus, call me weak but I don’t think I
could rock the <b>bleach</b>. I also
chickened out on the Emma Watson Pixie Cut; With the prednisone chipmunk cheeks,
I thought the change would be too drastic. I DID manage to lose 9 inches, which
for me, was a radical step in itself. </div>
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So thank you Michael Douglas.</div>
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Even though your intention was to fictionally inspire stock
brokers to never give-up the fight to regain power through manipulation of the
economy.... </div>
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Your words motivated me to cut off 9 inches of my hair so
that this chemotherapy doesn't mentally take control over my life. </div>
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Never underestimate the influence of a well-executed movie
monologue.</div>
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Thankful to finally be rid of these steroids, looking
forward to a drug-free week,</div>
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Breeding optimism, as always,</div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
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Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-42924455443215537612013-11-11T17:31:00.000-08:002013-11-13T18:26:14.601-08:00Kegger for Cancer<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
When you’re young, trying to live
life to the full, cancer kinda takes the cake for the biggest buzz-kill ever. But
when life hits hard, you hit it back harder. And if you’re too weak to hit .. well
then you get your big brother to do it for you. </div>
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Last week, a party was thrown in
Edmonton by my brother Braxton and Nicole Quinn. It was hosted by Braxton and
his roomies: Spencer, Jake and Jack. Brave boys, letting over 100 university
students into their home .. But this was no habitual, uni house party; This was
a Kegger for Cancer. </div>
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With a full house, over $2500
clear was raised for cancer. Heads were shaved, awareness was spread and no buzz-kill,
even cancer, stopped the night from being a success. Shout-out to everyone who
partied for the cause that night; to everyone who went out of their way and raised
money on their own time; and to everyone who had to part with their, I’m sure, beautifully
lavish hair. </div>
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After a long week of chemo-brain
and steroid haze, hearing stories from that night and all the support was truly
inspiring. </div>
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Almost done induction and will give a full on, detailed update on the diagnosis as soon as these steroids wear off. On Saturday I attempted to write a History test on the Russian Revolutions. It's a 45 minute test that took me a net total of 4 hours to complete. My concentration and focus is not something I'm priding myself with at the moment so bear with me. </div>
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Continuing to breed optimism thanks
to my big bro,</div>
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<span style="text-indent: -18pt;">-</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Serena Bonneville :)</span></div>
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Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-90919261657032051032013-11-05T11:08:00.000-08:002013-11-05T11:26:54.985-08:00Chemo and Chipotle<div style="margin: 0cm;">
Yesterday I spent the beautifully brisk morning in Vancouver: down to <b>Childrens</b>’ for my fourth helping of Chemotherapy and then to <b>Chipotle</b> for my second helping of Mexican food; <i>equally</i> noteworthy milestones.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But after spending the weekend alone at home, adjusting to the continued erratic demands of my body, it was nice to talk to my oncologist and get an update on how my treatment is actually going. And since my purpose is to breed optimism, I sit here, happy to share with you the updated report on my experience so far:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>Mental breakdowns:</u><o:p></o:p></div>
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These were more frequent this past week. As I mentioned in my last post, they are annoyingly sporadic and uncontrollable. The worst part for me isn’t the depression or lack of enthusiasm, but after a while, it’s that I start to lose sense of who I am and the normalities of my old life. Locked up in my room, in complete isolation, all I can think about is the sickness. And then in a flash, like my abrupt cravings for salt, my focus shifts. Suddenly, I’m consumed by another emotion: hunger, fatigue, nausea. Or I’ll become dangerously happy, excited, motivated... lately, hunger’s been the most common of the bunch <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<u>Physical changes:</u><o:p></o:p></div>
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Well for starters, still no significant hair loss ... it is getting ridiculous. The chemo has controlled enough of my life thus far so I’ve decided, whether my hair likes it or not, to get it cut this weekend. I don’t care if my hair were to keep growing throughout the entire treatment, this is my decision; and finally a decision that my Cancer doesn’t have control over.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Another big change in my look has been the swelling of my cheeks: I look like a chipmunk. It’s fascinating, really, how the face can change so drastically over just a few weeks. But the oncologist did say it’s inevitable that my cheeks will get significantly puffier-so I’m learning to adjust!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lastly, and the most intriguing, has been my weight distribution. Because of the steroids, I was expected to gain weight quite quickly (understandably seeing how I’m eating 6 meals a day). But despite my constant food consumption, since treatment I’ve<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>lost</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>a net total of <b>9 pounds</b>. This initially worried my oncologist. Between the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Triple O</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>burgers and<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>Chipotle</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Taco Burritos, there was no doubt in my mind I was putting on weight. But after consulting with a nutritionist and physiotherapist, we came to the conclusion that I have been losing most of the muscle in my legs. Playing competitive soccer 3 times a week and field hockey in between to spending 4 straight weeks in bed... I can hardly walk up the stairs with these Bambi twigs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But of course, with every<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>negative</b> we look at the<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><b>positive</b>:<o:p></o:p></div>
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1) Losing my hair isn’t a corollary of chemotherapy, it’s an opportunity for statement; a change in my style. I may even feel inclined to take on the Miley Cyrus and whip out some bleach... I plan on making my decision impulsively.<o:p></o:p></div>
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2) My cheeks have gotten to the point of extreme chipmunk inflammation; so much so that my Marlin Brando Godfather impression can actually pass as identifiable.<o:p></o:p></div>
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3) My body’s been slightly redistributed and I’ve noticed my clothes fitting differently; I guess I have no choice but to go on a shopping spree and purchase a complete new wardrobe.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And above all, the best news is that most of these side effects, mental and physical, are results of the heavy steroids that I’ve been taking twice a day (Predisone). If all goes well, I’m scheduled to finish my induction phase by next week and move on to remission-<b>No more steroids!!!<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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My cheeks will deflate, appetite will decrease and mood swings will hopefully lessen. Of course, with a new phase comes new drugs with I’m sure new, just as crazy demands... but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I’ll try to endure the irregularities as they come, moment by moment, day by day.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Dealing with the impulsive demands of Prednisone while continuing to breed optimism,<o:p></o:p></div>
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- - Serena Bonneville<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-17142662907186623072013-11-01T18:37:00.002-07:002013-11-01T18:39:57.252-07:00Chemo-Brain<div class="MsoNormal">
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After what seemed like an endless week trapped in isolation,
I finally mustered up enough energy to drop by my school for Halloween; couldn't pass up my last ever high-school costume contest on an account of low
hemoglobin’s... Although I only lasted a couple hour’s yesterday morning, I
realized that I’d truly underestimated the power of support when you are fully
immersed in it. But regardless of support, the mere social exposure in itself
was worth this drastic loss of energy that my body’s <i>still </i>seems to be recovering from ... <b>48</b> hours later .. </div>
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However, with all the fun festivities of Halloween, and as
much as I tried to embrace the normality, there is no denying that this week
has been the most brutal since the start of my treatment. 3 weeks in, and
although I was starting to adapt to the physical changes, the mental affects of
chemo had never really hit me so hard. </div>
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For the first time I woke up feeling
depressed, cynical and erratically insensitive. No desire to welcome the day;
It was a confusing mix of emotions for me (I usually wake up feeling perky,
especially when I sleep in as late as I had). Typically we’re able to reason with
our emotions, recognize why we feel a certain way and provide a solution for ourselves.
The first phase of my treatment is called induction and with the combination of
drugs I’ve been taking for the past 3 weeks, I’m supposed to inhabit a feeling
known as “chemo-brain.” (Chemo brain: Trouble concentrating, short attention
span, multiple space-outs, trouble multi-tasking, lack of focus and
motivation.) I spent most of Wednesday morning staring at my computer screen.
There could have been a movie playing or just a blank screen-either way my
feelings and motivation were indifferent. The good news is that all of these
feelings are totally, completely, normal and expected! In fact, this foreign
feeling of anguish was supposed to have set in during the <i>first</i> week of chemotherapy. My
oncologist reminded me how rare it is for patients to leave the house during
induction let alone spend the day at school. But like I said, I can’t begin to
express the magnitude of community and the power it has to overcome a troubled
state of mind (like chemo-brain.) Sometimes we underestimate the strength of a community
and the power it has when brought together through mutual support and
compassion. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclN-M_WHq9rnaYDMeEfJlT5U_5dLk79w6K4HFR9NXSM_T4On3SEZAiAmKfcb6EoDuG8fdDxwVtFULJ77RMMmDVA6dK9D0O97ftlYupo42AzcCgIGOXhDkkjMADG6skOX08TW_CPb_qab2/s1600/1208495_661986243834967_472200619_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhclN-M_WHq9rnaYDMeEfJlT5U_5dLk79w6K4HFR9NXSM_T4On3SEZAiAmKfcb6EoDuG8fdDxwVtFULJ77RMMmDVA6dK9D0O97ftlYupo42AzcCgIGOXhDkkjMADG6skOX08TW_CPb_qab2/s320/1208495_661986243834967_472200619_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The above photo was taken yesterday of a group of faculty members
at my school. I’d notice their ‘costumes’ when I walked through the halls but
couldn’t put the individual letters together: <i>Breeding Optimism.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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We are constantly presented with unexpected circumstances
and the way in which we take action and respond to them is what will define us;
as individuals and as a community at whole. Whether you’re battling through an
issue or supporting someone else through theirs, a strong community, like the
one I’m so fortunate to be a part of, is no match for any challenger. Spending
just a few normal hours at school, surrounded by this sense of belonging, has
proven to me that no one is alone in their fight. </div>
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Even as I lay in bed now, consumed by the crazy demands of
my body, I will continue to remind myself of this. I couldn’t believe how
spending a morning at school and <b>attending
a class</b> would make such a positive impact on my mental distress, who woulda thought
... <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
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Looking forward to the extinction of chemo-brain, it’s getting hard to maintain
steady blog posts when I’m just as content staring at a blank screen.</div>
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Continuing to breed optimism through, hopefully, my last
week of induction,</div>
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Battling through the side effects as they come, taking it day by day,</div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> - </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Serena Bonneville </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; text-indent: -18pt;">J</span></div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-67002439406181178112013-10-28T20:44:00.000-07:002013-10-28T20:46:10.366-07:00Waiting ...<div class="MsoNormal">
Today I went in for my third round of chemotherapy treatment
at Children’s Hospital. They injected me with some<i> cancer-killers</i>, took out
some blood and then sent me home without any pricks or scars; all thanks to my
wonderful, <b>‘bionic-woman-like’</b> VAD. It’s all quite exciting!!! .. If you’re one
to get excited about biomedical ventricular engineered ports. But it really is
amazing. When I was first diagnosed, they surgically placed an access port
under my breast that’s directly connected to a small tube they ran underneath
my skin. It goes up all the way through near my neckline where it can access
and pump blood to the rest of my body. Aside from a small poke to access the
line, treatments and blood tests have been completely painless; so to speak. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the reason I’m waiting... Like I said, I’m on <b>round
three</b> of chemotherapy and, although past the point of expectance, still no sign
of any <u>hair-loss</u>. I’ve yet to start balding. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’d think this is something to be fortunate about, but to
be honest, I’ve been instinctively preparing myself for this certainty since
day 1. In fact, I’ve already invested quite a horde of my savings into some
stylin’ hats, have gone for a wig consultation and fitting, and have even been
wandering around the house with my hair pulled back tight, just to get used to
the exposure. I’ve become impatient. And impatience has driven me to paranoia.
When I shower, I’ve been strategically gathering my hair in a feeble attempt to
trace any excess strands. I brush it constantly, thoroughly searching the bristles
on my comb for any clusters of hair. Nothing. The suspense is maddening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess it’s bittersweet. Although I do claim to be ‘prepared’
for this, inevitable yet slow-approaching event, my doctor did warn me that the
affects will start to happen quite abruptly. So although I believe I’m as
prepared as one can be to lose <b>14 inches</b> of natural healthy hair, I can’t say
for sure how calmly I’ll react. And regardless of my self-reassurance, there is
no denying that I will wake up each day to a physical reminder of my
diagnostic. I’ll wake up to face a weaker, vulnerable, more exposed version of
myself. But as I’ve expressed from the start, we are optimists. And because of
this outlook that I’ve pledged to maintain and breed, I must persist with
positivity. So, I’m waiting ... continuing to mentally prepare for the rush of
emotions that will follow gently pulling out that first clump of hair. Waiting ...
longing to kill the suspense, the crazy paranoia and just move on to a satisfied
state of balding acceptance.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Starting to wonder if the hair could fall out due to stress before
it does due to chemo ..</div>
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<br /></div>
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Continuing to breed optimism either way,</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->-<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> - </span><!--[endif]-->Serena Bonneville <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
<br />Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8828861358643938221.post-32185660022976574932013-10-26T11:30:00.001-07:002013-10-26T11:53:44.473-07:00Appreciating the Little Things<div class="MsoNormal">
Food tastes SO good. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Almost 3 weeks into my chemotherapy and food, amongst other
things, has been quite the highlight for me. I’m currently taking 8 drugs a
day. 4 in the morning, 4 at night. During this phase of chemotherapy, one of
these drugs is a powerful steroid known as Predinsone.</div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Predinsone: (Pred- ni-sone): A synthetic corticosteroid drug
used to treat the symptoms of low corticosteroid levels: lack of certain
substances that are usually produced by the body and are needed for normal body
functioning. Thanks to Predinsone, the thought of a Triple O’s Spicy Ultimate Chicken
Crunch burger leaves me drooling every night and when I finally indulge in a
long-awaited salty meal, the magnitude of satisfaction consumes all other customary
senses. Flavours are louder, textures are sharper, and sensations are heightened
with each bite. Consider my perspective on food changed. </div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a world that’s constantly changing every day, it’s easy
to get lost along the way. Life moves fast. Like Ferris Bueller so brusquely puts
it, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. It’s
an insightful quote to think about but in reality, implementing Ferris’s adventurous,
spontaneous lifestyle has always seemed impractical with such a fast-paced life.
</div>
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<br></div>
<br>
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But perspectives change and with the outlook I’ve recently assumed,
this quote is more than just a witty line from a once handsome Broderick’s. It’s
become a reference much more relatable to me in this new reality: living life
to its full purpose and taking advantage of each moment. And don’t think you have
to be experiencing a life threatening disease, or be skilfully faking one like
Ferris, to justify an appreciative lifestyle. It may seem unfair and trivial of me to convey
such an idealistic opinion (especially when just a couple weeks ago I was lost
in a hectic, non-stop schedule like everyone else) but now, with the
concentration and attention span of a sloth, I’ve grown ignorant to contemptuous
routine worries. I’m realizing, finally recognizing with Ferris, that buried underneath
these trivial distractions are lifes’ simplicities, waiting to be valued and
appreciated: like the explosive flavours of a Triple O’s Ultimate Chicken
Crunch Burger. With extra fries. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="MsoNormal">Breeding Optimism,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="MsoNormal">- Serena Bonneville :)</div>
Serena Bonnevillehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16344112066231073389noreply@blogger.com0